It is one year since I started to write and share weekly and consistently. It was something I had tried to do for over 10 years. This time last year I made a decision to simply start writing and sharing on Sundays at 6pm UK time to see where it got me and us. There were a few times when I was late and a couple of times in the summer when I took a week off... and all was good. At the end of this post I share some reflections on writing and sharing for a year. 

And to my new friends it is great that you are here. Let me know how you are finding these posts and what comes out of your own reflective practice. 

The pictures above are a compilation of the handful of images from the 50+ messages sent over the last year. If you would like to read any of the posts from the last year, please click here.

Last Tuesday while I was sitting in the airport waiting for my flight back to London I attended one session of a virtual training course that I participated in last week.

We were looking at communication, influencing, and impact. Someone in the group said something with such presence and conviction that I felt compelled to comment on it. I wanted to add to what the tutor has noticed. I unmuted myself on zoom and started to speak with ‘I’d like to say something. I noticed….’

The tutor commented on what I shared and then asked me a question.

A few minutes later, in breakout rooms we were discussing what had impacted us most during the session. One of my fellow participants asked me what happens to me in the few seconds I take before I answer a question. She said ‘I noticed you so it twice. You take a breath, or a few seconds, before you respond. What is happening to you there?’

Of course, I took a few seconds before I answered!

I paused to take in the question…

Several seconds later I said ‘firstly, I think this is a brilliant question. It is really making me think.’

I continued ‘When I hear a question I want to receive it properly, like there is a potential gift being offered. I wish to respect the question. I want to allow all the different forms of intelligence in my being to have space to inform the answer. By breathing in for a second I am allowing my somatic response to the question to be activated so I am not simply answering from an intellectual angle.

And then I start talking without having formed an answer, yet… the words just flow. Allowing thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc all to emerge and engage with the response that is being released from me… knowing that my response will be right in that moment.

When I don’t take a second or two before I answer I find that my response is a little least precious… and may even be reactive.’

I then paused again.

And with that silence the space for others to contribute was created.

Who would have thought that all of this could come out from one, simple question?

I am sharing this with you because there is a real power: 

—in asking the right question,

—in giving space for someone to respond, and

—in simply holding space for the person you asked the question to.

I know you might be thinking ‘it’s easy for her, she has been coaching for 15 years!’

Yes and no.

And it’s not the coaching for 15 years that really matters here, it’s the lifetime of seeking to understand people and what they are seeking to communicate...

It is a constant practice and that is why I am always the student first. So I can keep my own skills sharp and on point.

What can you take away from this?

When someone asks you a question give yourself whatever space you want—and need—before you answer.

And sometimes the answer will not immediately emerge and you can say ‘I’ll come back to you.’

Often questions that we carry for a while provide the richest and deepest experience and response.

As a questioner, don’t anticipate an immediate answer.

When you ask a question who is it for?

Is it so you understand or is it to help the person you are speaking with.

Or is it ‘both and’ so you both have expanded awareness about whatever is happening in the space you hold together?

My take away from this exploration is that good questions deserve respect…

And time…

And space…

And now a question for you:

What have you discovered about how you ask and answer questions as a result of reading this?

What is your takeaway?

I’d love to know.

Please reply to this email or send me a voice note on social media.

All my best,

Saiyyidah

The Space

PS— I said I'd reflect on a years of writing and sharing messages. Here goes! Below are the top three insights I have had:

1. Writing consistently is a choice. So is sharing. Sometimes I will draft a message during the week and then get to Sunday and write something completely different and share that because it feels more appropriate for a reason I can't put into words.
2. I love receiving messages from you after you've read my posts/emails. It is a real delight to discover the impact of my ramblings on others. As a writer sometimes it can be difficult to be motivated, other times there is so much to say it feels overwhelming. The best of times is when I know that you are there interested in what I have to say.
3. It is important to do what ever you are doing in a way that is true and authentic to you. I write in my own way. The images I am sharing are in my own style. Previously, when I have wished to write and share consistently I have been following in the lead/style of others and that has not felt authentic to me. I believe that was a big contributor to why I was unable to do it consistently— it didn't fully feel like me. Whatever it is you are doing, however you are leading do it in your own way, it will make you consistent, successful, and you will enjoy it so much more! 

Lots of love, Saiyyidah x