Every month I spend two days doing something that makes me a better coach and leader. In these two days I train leaders to become coaches. These leaders already have an established career, are at the top of their game, and have made significant impact in their industry. There are multiple reasons why they want to go beyond developing coaching skills and spend an intensive 9-12 months with me training to become a qualified coach. One thing they all tend to have in common is that they wish to increase their impact beyond the sector that they are in. 

Every September for the last five years or so I have attended a graduation for these coaches and have felt a huge sense of satisfaction knowing that I am part of their journey. Beyond that, and even more important for me, is the fact that they are now using coaching skills to be better listeners, ask more nuanced questions, and also not give answers to situations or problems presented to them. (Note - we are not the experts in someone else's life - they are!!!). 

So last Thursday, a somewhat disappointedly but typical rainy September day, I was part of the graduation ceremony for 70+ coaches who were celebrating with their families and friends. 

This year it felt different to previous years, especially the first couple of 'post pandemic' years. This year there was more vibrancy, energy, and an increased sense of genuine celebration and joy. 

Since Thursday I have been wondering was that simply my interpretation, or was something different? 

And I do not know the answer to that yet... 

But what I do know is that our perception of a situation can easily become the reality. 

The above photos are pictures from the coaches graduation day :-) 

After I finished my PhD I had no interest in celebrating or acknowledging what was a once in a lifetime achievement. It was friends and family who encouraged me to do that, and I am very glad that I did have a full graduation ceremony myself. I sense that some people didn't see the graduation from a coaching certificate to be a big thing, while others felt it was so important they brought along several members of family as well as friends. There is also the piece around who wants to, and is able to, celebrate you. When I saw the number of guests (cheerleaders!) in the audience last Thursday it made me really pleased to witness those who had rearranged their schedules, some flew in from abroad, simply to celebrate a friend or family member. 

We all need cheerleaders. And we all need to find times to celebrate. 

I appreciate that this is not always going to be an easy thing to do... especially if we are hearing or watching what is happening around the world in the news. 

I want to offer that it is about balance and perspective. If you are able to donate or support a cause abroad do that as part of your celebration, graduation, or acknowledgement of an achievement. I am a real advocate for planting trees so maybe arrange to plant some trees in a location of your choice across the globe. I think that is such a great idea that as soon as I've finished writing this I am going to arrange for some olive trees to be planted! That feels like giving back to nature and hoping for some positive nurturing in the soil as well as that of the humans that I, we, work with. 

Back to the graduation, some other lessons I learned when I attended the ceremony: 

First, my job is to ask all graduating coaches a question when they are on stage. Each year people are astounded that I remember everyones name and am able to make them feel special on stage. I do this very consciously - I see my role to make each graduate feel really special, as if they are the center of everything while they are speaking with me. Part of making them feel like they are on top of the world in that moment is me acknowledging them by their name. 

— Lesson to take away is that addressing someone properly is important.  

Second, I consciously think about my presence on stage which is literally not to upstage the graduates. I deliberately and purposefully position myself either to the side or slightly behind them when they are on stage so that the audience can see them fully and that they are the ones who are center stage.

— Lesson here is that while my role is important it is secondary to the people we are celebrating - focus on what is key to the moment you are in. 

Third, as the coaches give incredible answers to the questions I ask, or say really insightful things that are worthy of a follow up I want to continue the conversation. However, my role is to deliberately and consciously not do that. I have to be even more aware of the 'noise' inside my head so that I am not allowing my own thoughts and desires to create interference in a ceremony that has been very carefully curated for the graduates and their celebration.

— Lesson here is a general one and is to allow thoughts to emerge and then be released so they don't linger in your mind while something more important is happening. 

I am sure that there are multiple areas for you to reflect upon in what I have shared above. As you go into the new week, and new month, I wish to ask you how are you showing up for the important people in your life? How are you celebrating them? How are you making them know what they are doing well? How are you enabling them to be center stage of their life? 

I invite you to take these questions into your interactions around the dinner table with family and/or friends; and your work colleagues no matter if you have board meetings where you are presenting a 15 minute paper, are leading a town hall with 300 people, have a job interview for something new, or are meeting up with someone to work out what to do next. 

How can you create a space to celebrate someone else? 

All my best,

Saiyyidah

The Space 

PS — At graduation a couple of people asked me to share the following quote in the email. We were talking about belonging and they said that they had shared the following with some colleagues and it was really impactful for them, so here goes:

"Diversity is being invited to the party. Inclusion is being asked to dance. Belonging is helping to choose the music. Understanding is knowing that you won’t like all the music… and still staying at the party."

— Saiyyidah Zaidi (the first sentence was said by Verna Myers, the second sentence's source is unknown. Saiyyidah added understanding).