Get ready for a contradiction - I'm not the biggest fan of Tiktok and other social media, and at the same time I love how they can be a source of new knowledge or thought provoking short reminders. 

I got a real lesson this morning! 

As I was drinking my Sunday slow coffee in bed where I relish in the luxury of time I had a quick check on Insta and Tiktok. There is no predictability on what the 'feed' will give me... sometimes its rubbish, other times there is something special. 

Today, I saw a 2 minute exploration of resilience by Dr Becky at Good Inside on how being resilient is applauded and revered, AND when we are in the space where we are expected— or required— to be resilient it feels like hard work and can be quite frustrating. The short video made me reflect back to the times in my life when it has been hard, and only by looking back do I know that I actually did get through that experience. And yes, it did make me a better person. However, it doesn't take away the point that at the time it was like walking through concrete! 

(The 'it's' I am talking about are experiences like my parents divorce when I was 7 years old, the car accident I experienced in the same week I qualified as an architect, leaving my director level job not knowing what I'd do next, etc...)

I do have an aversion to the concept of 'resilience' because we are expected to have it without really discussing the cost of resilience. And sometimes 'resilience' is simply presented as a given when it is not helpful, or available.

And at the end of the day the space between 'knowing' and 'not knowing' is interesting, as Dr Becky mentions.

The space of the unknown is hard to sit in because as human beings we crave certainty—certainty has been recognized as a basic human need by psychologists. Yet, there are many times when we do not have certainty... and that is where the learning space is (see the image for the blog post at the top). 

The reminder that the place between 'not knowing' and 'knowing' is where we learn is a good one. For me, when I am learning something new—and as a life long learner it's something I try and do every day—I spend a lot of time in a uncertain space... one where I can be frustrated... not in a bad way but in a way that I know serves a purpose as I am seeking to move towards the space of knowing. 

Occasionally learning something new is really hard—at the moment for me that is learning languages. I have been renewing my Arabic language skills since October last year so I have experienced a lot of frustration in my not knowing. 

And here is the thing... without that frustration, without committing time and energy to desiring to learn, without knowing that I am on a long journey of ups and downs... all I will do is sit in a place of frustration without direction. 

And that is why we need the learning space—a place where we can say 'it is ok that I don't know the answers, that I may not do the right thing (because I don't know what that is), that I might want to walk away, and I might have to just try things out and make a mess...' and I am still here. I am learning. 

This time next week I will be closing The Courage to Belong virtual retreat whereI and a small number of people will be in that learning space with me! There will be highs and lows, there will be laughter and tears, there will be ah ha moments and there will be frustration... and that is the learning space! 

My question for you this week is to ask yourself how you feel/think in the space between knowing and not knowing?

—What could you acknowledge to be kinder on yourself in that space? 

 Have a great week. 

All my best,

Saiyyidah

The Space